Neon Arcade

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

I Wish I Could Go Back...

I am finally doing something I have wanted to do for years, I have been making youtube videos. For a month and a half now and, even with the low views I love making them.I feel I should be happy. Still I can't stop but, keep wishing to go back to a simpler time.
Back in June I learned what it was like to lose everything you have ever truly cared about. I learned what it was like to go through the motions but, not feel alive. To feel nothing will ever be the same again. Now I know nothing will ever be the same again.
On an almost daily bases I long to go back to one particular moment. A moment that passed by too fast, a moment I tried to cling to but, as time passes it gets more and more faint. Someone's face that I could think of and know every line now grows fainter everyday. A voice I used to wait with anticipation to hear, I now struggle to remember but, no matter how hard I try, it just never sounds right. It is enough to drive a person mad. So...
I bury my head in work. Making video after video because the moment I stop to think I go mad. I want to break things. I want to curse whoever or whatever has brought this torment on me.
All I can do is wish to go back to the days of running around playgrounds and my only worry is whatever adventure I will play out in my head. The days of eagerly waking up Saturday mornings to watch Super Heroes save the day. The Days when my entire room would be turned into a fort or a G.I.joe battlefield. The days when life made sense.
But, I can't so I continue to bury my head in work, weeping on the inside and trying not to allow others to see my pain wishing I could go back...

Dedicated to the greatest friend I ever had, I miss you every single day.